New Victoria’s Secret Bra Bombs

Have you ever wanted to look like a Victoria’s Secret model? Ok, ok, that was a stupid question. I admit, I have, do, and always will want to look like a perfectly sculpted, beautiful Victoria’s Secret angel. I’m sure my opinion represents the mass in America, if not the world. This is where my story begins…
I was minding my own business, watching my regular programs on TV when the NEW Victoria’s Secret commercial comes on for the New Miraculous Push-up Bra.



What I got from this commercial is that it pretty much guarantees to instantly add 2 cup sizes, make you an instant Hollywood bombshell, and have you strutting around in your heels and undergarments as if you were one of the Victoria’s Secret angels!! I’m pretty much sold at this point, I mean, I have been wanting to add 2 cup sizes to my modest chest, well, since forever, or at least since 4th grade when the first girl in my class started to wear a training bra!
So, the next chance I get I march down to the closest mall and straight into Victoria’s Secret. I am quickly greeted by what I like to call the Victoria’s Secret Service. Each attentive member is wearing an earpiece/ microphone so they can keep tabs on me, the stock, and the other members of their “secret” society. I am already embarrassed to be in there wanting to find the bra that will make me better endowed. So, my response to her question, before she finishes asking is “just looking”, without making any eye contact. She immediately asked if I would like a bra fitting or would like to try on the New Miraculous Push-up bra, it will instantly add 2 cup sizes, she reminds me. Red-faced, and embarrassed that she noticed I could use the extra cups, I politely declined. I then wandered through the entire store, still thinking about how this new bra can change my life. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I wandered back to the table where the bras were laid out beautifully. Nobody was around, this was my chance to quickly swipe one and make a mad dash for the fitting room, to finally see what Victoria’s Secret was! Searching for my size, I was interrupted by a Secret Service agent, who was so helpful that I couldn’t resent her for speaking a little too loudly into her mic that a young woman with dark hair and black sweats was coming back to try on the New Miraculous Push-up bra. I love that she pointed out the fact that I was wearing sweats, they were YOGA pants OK? I am an active girl, yeah right!
This is where it gets interesting… I go to the fitting rooms undress and put on the bra. OMG whoa baby, hello bombshell is right!! But, sadly I DON”T look like one of the angels, I look so ridiculous!! I start laughing, I mean really cracking up hard, when I am once again interrupted by a secret service agent asking if there was anything I needed, and was everything ok in there? I tried to gather my composure, to say everything is fine, and shoo her away. But I don’t care anymore, I have needed this belly laugh for a while now, and there was no stopping it! I mean I looked like Dolly Parton. I was having flashbacks of freshman year when I tried wearing my mom’s bra with socks stuffed into it. This thing was ROCK hard and really didn’t even need any cleavage to make the appearance of boobs. I’m totally convinced that this bra could Miraculously Push-up skin from your stomach to D cups! I left the fitting room giddy and laughing handing the bra to the attendee. I asked her “Does anyone actually BUY this? Its hilarious!” She gave me a dirty look and mumbled “ It’s for SPECIAL OCCASIONS!” I guess my occasions aren’t special enough.
As I left the store, sans purchase, I noticed the poster advertising the very same bra I just tried on. One of the gorgeous angles was wearing it, not looking ridiculous, and the words “HELLO BOMBSHELL” were written on it. Perfect. That is exactly what I said when I put the bra on… HELLO BOMBSHELL!!! But, an actual BOMBSHELL, the HARD casing around a BOMB, rather than a sexy angel.


- xoxo Heather O.